she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
