i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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