she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
