Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
