Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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