There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
