Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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