i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
