so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
