I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it because I queefed?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
