Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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