Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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