are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hippo gnu deer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
