We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
