fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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