If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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