We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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