She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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