your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize