How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
