I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
