I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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