Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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