Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is wine microwaveable?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
