I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
