It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
