well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Someone shit on the floor
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
