how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize