Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
