Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
