Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize