you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
