I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
