My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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