I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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