Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize