I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You pole danced in your parka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
