I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
