I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
