I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
