We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize