i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
