I just saw a hot homeless man
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Im part way to drunk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
