Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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