the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
