im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
