11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
