The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
