White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
