There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
