dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
