hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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