everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
