Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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