So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
