you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This baby is an asshole
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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