Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
