She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
