you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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