I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
