Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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