good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
