He is an equal opportunity slut.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
