There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
