She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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