my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize