Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
