She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
