i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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