90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
