I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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