Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
