Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize