Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
