she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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