i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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