Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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